Wow… Amazing! (correction)

Finally.

After what must seem like years and years.

I did it.

I completed a 5 km run.

*errata: Actually it was 6 km.* *gasp!*

Non-stop.

Slow run, I must add.

And I did it in 50 minutes.

Is that even a good thing?

Maybe not.

But at least I’ve done something that I’ve never done before in my life.

Now… to maintain it.

***

I’ll be back in KL for the Raya hols.

For one week.

Don’t expect me to have lost weight la! It’s just jogging.

Best…Day…Ever!!!

After a whole week of trial and error, the final product of the school magazine logo is this:

Phew! Love photoshop-ing, but it’s really tedious.

Tabik la org yang kena kerja dgn photoshop s’tiap hari.

***

Today went to Doulos with Wei Yen, Angeline, Matthew Chin (the whole family), Pearl, Kwan and Mei Ying.

Woo hoo! Last time I was on the vessel it was with Hon Yau at Port Klang way back in 2004 (I think).

Bought some books la, of course, and managed to get a poster of human anatomy! Yay!

On the ship with all the stuff we bought. Photo taken by Pearl. Er… guess you can’t really see the stuff we bought, but trust me, we bought a lot. I’m holding a red bag with my right hand, maybe that’s why tak nampak lah.

Weather was so clear and sunny, we could see Mount Kinabalu in the distance at sunset!

Amazing!

***

Haven’t even come to what made my day so wonderful.

Here it is.

Today, during service, the speaker was speaking on prayer and how it is a privilege because of our direct connection with the Father.

He asked us a question: “What comes your mind when we say ‘Our Father in Heaven…’? “

At that moment, my mind kind of wandered (I know, bad pew member! Haha!) to Dad.

3 words that come to mind: Cool, Calm, Collected.

Dad wasn’t the kind of person who basked in the limelight. I remember that when we used to celebrate his birthday by “suprising” him, he almost always smiled silently to himself. Never saying a word, no drama, no nonsense. Must be a bass player characteristic. They’re always like that. Just silently play, in the background, making sure everyone can hear you without sounding overbearing…

My father’s highest education was Lower 6. He never went on to study, but defied my grandad’s wishes, and went on to pilot training. If I remember correctly, he didn’t make it there either. So he had to start from scratch, working from the bottom up. It must’ve been hard, raising 4 kids, especially living in KL.

Dad wasn’t the kind of person who would buy his kids video games. Today during dinner I saw a family with two children. The son was holding on to a PSP, the daughter a Nintendo DS. I remember when I went out to dinner with my family, I was almost always reading a book (being the bookworm that I am…).

I remember it was SO difficult to convince my Dad we needed a computer, or to upgrade the computer, or even get an Internet Service Provider and even harder to convince him to get a handphone. His first handphone, the Motorola, was actually a prize he won from some competition.

I remember we used to complain that he was so thrifty and so calculative and super careful when it comes to money, when in actual fact, he was actually teaching us the real value of the ringgit. I used to think we were too poor to afford a lot of cool things. Actually, my dad’s philosophy when it comes to buying things is that he would only buy things out of necessity. “Do we REALLY need it?” (We used to say “Of course we need the latest Tom and Jerry cartoon!” Haha!). Otherwise, if we want something so badly, we should use our own money to buy it. That’s the real value of money. Something, which, I’m slowly learning only now (after a laptop, a PSP, a TV, Astro service, an Ipod Touch and countless handphone changes!).

Speaking of necessity, he would also do things out of necessity, especially when there was no one else would could or would do it. I remember he used to go for night classes for Mandarin because he thought it was necessary. In church, he would still do the worship leaders and musicians schedule, even though he wasn’t the one actually responsible.

I remember he used to tell us that when he first started out as a father, he had a very high temper and his hand was very free spirited. And it took him a long time to control it, must’ve been because of us. Must’ve been even more difficult to control this kid who had the worst temper among all his 4 kids.

I remember that other kids used to think that Dad was so cool, ‘cos he played the guitar, and was into rock music. Even some of my students think he’s cooler than me, because they like Joe Satriani as much as Dad does.

I remember we used to laugh at his band during his younger days (called The Klems), and how his ultimate dream was to play with Deep Purple (“Smoke on the water… Fire in the sky….”). I remember that they wanted to call the band “The Tles-Bea”  *slaps his forehead” Aiyo!

Oh, but I remember (with much grievance) that he would blast out “Deep Purple” or some other LOUD rock band on Sunday mornings to get us out of bed in time for service. The WORST was Metallica. Seriously.

However, back then, he really was our house alarm clock. All of us children, were always woken up by him in the early mornings to get ready for school. Even when he didn’t need to wake up, he would still make sure we woke up to go to wherever we needed to be. We would leave notes on his desk saying “Dad, tomorrow please wake me up at 4 a.m.” Next morning, 4 a.m. (plus minus) we would be shaken. Heck, there’s even a snooze function! 4.10, 4.20, etc.

I remember that he sometimes loves to tell “racist” jokes. His personal favourite one would have to be the one with the fly and the teh-tarik (ask him to tell it to you, if you don’t know).

He never once told us how he and Mum felt when they had to send my older brother away to Penang for 6 years, just because of my grandad. At least, not until I asked them to tell me the story.

I love him because he was the kind of person who would say “I will serve the Youth Fellowship because of my children” (we actually didn’t know that till Dr. Chew told us during a YA! event, years later). Through the teenage years of all his 4 children, he was there in the YA! as our advisor. All the fetching and sending of youth members, from the blue Nissan Vannete to the Serena now. The training he would give, not only in Bible Study but guitar classes. I remember all the accounts and auditing he did for each camp and each youth event. I remember him being the one who would look out for the outcasts, YA! members who were “in the clique”, and make sure that they were always included. I found out today that he only stopped being the YA! advisor this year. After 17 years.

I will never forget how much he loved me when he walked out into the road at 4 am to hug me because he thought I was missing (when in actual fact, it was after coming back from watching “The Dreamer” musical by The Singing Ambassadors at PGRM, and we stopped by Chris’ house to play games until 2.30 a.m.). Of course, I got the tongue lashing of my life after that, but that hug… changed everything.

I remember that he rushed home from work on the day of the release of my SPM results because he thought I was going to commit suicide.

And yet again, he did it by selling off his first ever electric guitar to pay for my first semester fees in Sedaya College (in which I only stayed for 3 weeks before going to UM. That’s 8k down the drain and to the Ultimate Cash Sucking Institution).

He would never ask me questions beyond what was needed, he was not the busybody kind, he gave me my space I needed to make my own mistakes, to grow up, to learn life lessons.

I could go on and on, but my eyes are getting misty.

So when I think of our Father in Heaven, I also think of my Father in KL, who made me who I am today.

And that’s why, today was the

Best

Day

Ever.

He ain’t perfect, he ain’t the best, but he’s MY Father.

Thanks, Dad. Here’s to you.

Salam 1 Malaysia, everyone!

Dreams

I can never forget when Pastor Tony shared his dreams, and how they came true, one by one.

I never get tired of hearing stories like these.

As for me and my dreams?

Well, here’s my dream list. Anyone care to join me?

1. Watch Les Miserables in London (Les Mis because it’s just about the best musical EVER, and London… well just, because!)
2. Have children (don’t laugh)
3. Go to the following places: New Zealand, Greece, Scotland and Ireland. All the wonderful countryside places (except Greece).

This list isn’t exhaustive, but it has been on my mind for a long time. Maybe I’ll update it as I go along.

It’s always good to have dreams.

Endearing

Bought David Tao’s newest album. Looks good.

Also “bought” Joanna Wang (thanks to Yennie’s recommendation), Daughtry’s new album and Khalil Fong’s “Timeless” album.

Can’t wait to hear it.

Should be good.

***

Endearing.

Is the first thing that came to mind when I watched Pixar’s “Up”.

I loved it!

Best of the Pixar movies so far.

One thing I loved about the movie was the uncanny ability it has to tell a story and convey all the emotions along with the story without using words. Just pictures and music.

Wonderful, really.

Watching the movie reminded me of this song from one of the best romantic comedies of all time, Adam Sandler’s “The Wedding Singer”:

I Wanna Grow Old With You – Adam Sandler

I wanna make you smile
Whenever you’re sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All i wanna do, is grow old with you

I’ll get you medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
So, it could be so nice growing old with you,….

I’ll miss you
Kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold
Need you
Feed you
Even let you hold the remote control.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you’ve had too much to drink
Oh I could be the man that grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you.

Sigh… endearing

That Stupid Day

I think I mentioned in an earlier post that I had quite stressful 6 weeks in school without a break whatsoever.

Something happened in those 6 weeks, and I’m still actually quite frazzled by it.

Maybe you can help me out.

So here it goes:

I teach two science classes, one in Form 4 and one in Form 5.

The Form 4 class is generally a less than average class. Some of them IMHO, are not even well-equiped with the basic know-hows to survive the science stream, let alone excel in it. Spoon feeding is quite a necessity in teaching them and they thrive on rewards. Give them a task with a reward, then only they will berhabis to complete that work. Their philosophy is “Doesn’t matter how I got the work done, as long as it’s done”.  So I would say that although I love this class to bits, generally they’re not very bright and lack initiative, and is made worse by their lack of the competitive spirit and drive to excel in whatever they do.

The Form 5 class was my Form 4 class last year. This one… super initiative, almost everyone in this class are leaders in their own right, they are bright (by school standards), basically the harapan sekolah lah. You know that kind. And I was much closer to this Form 5 class because many of the students in this class were my class students when they were in Form 1 (when I first entered the school), so they were kind of my ‘first love’.

So okay, this stupid day which I was referring to was with the Form 5 class.

Oh yes, another thing you have to know is that I am a person who places homework on a very high pedestal. I always reason with my students that since they have no tuition or outside sources academically, their homework is the only way I can gauge whether or not they understand what they are being taught. (I know many people who would stand up and protest about my stance on homework and how it isn’t effective, how it breeds plagarism etc etc, but bear with me here ok?). So essentially, their homework is all about them, it’s for them more than it is for me. The only thing I ask is that when I ask for a certain homework to be handed in on a certain day, they must have it ready for me on that day or face the consequences. These “consequences” range from writing 540 sentences (don’t ask me why THAT number!) to standing out in the sun to public ketuk ketampi (I know, I’m not human, and in city schools I would have already been sued by uber rich parents who have no respect for teachers and who think that their kids deserve better. Honestly la, if they think their kids really deserve better, why do they even send them to  public schools lor, kan? But I digress…).

Okay, so ANYWAY… all through their Form 4 years, this class has learnt the benefits of complying to my “wishes” (after a few rounds of “consequences.” Haha!) and carried it on to Form 5.

However, being the harapan of the school has it’s drawbacks. They are often called to do something for the school, or help out a teacher in a certain project, or something else la that takes them away from their studies. This results in late submission of homework, or worse, no submission at all.

Personally, I don’t have a problem with them being involved in extra curricular stuff, but I require my students to always examine their priorities and learn to say ‘No’ to certain things (which they find it very difficult, after all, who can say ‘No’ to a teacher’s request, right?).

So I told myself, “Okay, be patient. Let it slide once in a while…” and THAT’S where the problem began to escalate.

For a few classes, some of them were handing in their work late. And I didn’t say anything except for “Late again?”

And then one day, I lost it.

It was like any other day. I walked into class, they scrambled to hand in their work on my desk. I checked their work to find that a few of them had not passed up yet.

So I said, “So, how now?” (should have said “brown cow” also, right?)

*silence*

After a while, and many repetitions of the same question, I told them, “Well, if you have no answer, you can eat my dust” and I walked out of the room, in a huff.

Can’t say what they taught or felt at that moment. All I knew was that I felt deep disappointment. I was so disappointed in all of them (although only a few of them didn’t pass up their work) because it seemed to me that everything that I had tried to instill in them over the years didn’t seem to sink in. It’s like they never even learned from their mistakes. It was so frustrating (coupled with the fact that I had an equally exasperating Form 4 class that day, then again they’re ALWAYS exasperating) that as they get nearer and nearer to the most important exam of their lives, they seemed to slack even more.

And so I thought there was only one thing left to do. The thing which I have never done. The last resort: take a step back.

Maybe the reason why they were so lackadaisical was because they were too comfortable with me. They had me all figured out, and how much I loved them. I thought maybe they needed a little rude wake up call.

So, I gathered all their notes for the rest of the year, and I wrote a note saying “This is the rest of the notes which I have yet to give you. You can copy them if you wish, you can do the homework stated there if you wish. It’s up to you. I cannot keep pushing a wall that doesn’t want to move. I’m very tired.”

At THAT moment, I really meant what I said. Like super drama, right?

But, after I cooled down, I realised that it would be unprofessional and super immature to do so la. Still, the drama had already been played out, and I got a note of apology from the class after that.

So what’s the problem, you ask?

Well, the problem is this: I go to class and teach as usual, but now I’m the “cold hearted” teacher, who just goes in and teaches and then leaves. I no longer leave them homework to do. I no longer have all the small, silly talks during class we used to have.

I have become “unapproachable” to them.

But (aha! the twist!), it’s all an act. Really!

Or is it?

This is what confuses me.

What do I really want then?

I want to tell them that I still care very much for them, I still have the same dreams for them, I’m still here.

I want to tell them to wake up and get serious about their work.

I want to explain why I did what I did.

But, although I have gotten their letter of apology, I want them to approach me and talk to me first, because in everything that has happened before, I was always the first one to voice out. Now I want it this way, in order for them to wake up.

Is this really necessary?

I would say yes, because this is the “second head fake” (as Randy Pausch would put it) that I want them to figure out.

But, really? Like this?

***

Here’s another thing I have been thinking about these days:

I’m usually one who believes in the “One class, one boat”, meaning to say that if someone doesn’t pull his weight, the whole class suffers.

Example:

If one person doesn’t hand in their homework on time, the whole class has to be punished.

Why? Well, mainly to teach them that although they will take the exams individually, they are in the same boat, in the same class, taking the same journey. And since they only have each other to depend on, they should be responsible for one another, and have to look out for one another, so that they can journey together. No one should get left behind (unless for very special reasons).

***

Need some perspective on the above. Sigh…

I’m a psychological basket case lor.

“It’s not easy to be me…” ~Five For Fighting~